February 2012
discussing gender identity with a kid in my class i assumed was homophobic
reluctantly tell him my sexual orientation after he asks
he proceeds to tell me about his 2 dads
rule 49586: just don’t assume. like, ever. even if you are omniscient like me.
Woman: Can I have birth control?
Government: No.
Woman: I got pregnant because I didn't have birth control and I don't want the fetus. Can I have an abortion?
Government: No.
Woman: I gave birth to my child but since I wasn't expecting it, I can't afford daycare. Can I have help paying for it?
Government: No.
Woman: My boyfriend isn't excited about sex anymore, because I lost my figure due to pregnancy. Will you pay for his erectile dysfunction pills?
Government: Yes.
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take picture of sexy new abs and send to best friend who is 200 miles away
except instead send to the contact listed below her and realize when it’s too late
hope for the best?
everytime i miss a day of school i want to kill myself a little more
JACK WHITE IS COMING TO MEMPHIS
and is sold out
okay.
Watch
“Ca ne fait pas grand bien de s’installer dans les reves en oubliant de...”
– Doom bluh door.
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“how to be beautiful: don’t try so hard to be beautiful.”
– a childhood friend’s current facebook status. true words.
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feels good man
that moment when you’ve gone down three sizes since the last time you tried on jeans. other than the fact that i’ve started doing a lot of regular cardio, i’ve also started taking pilates classes. at first i wanted to do yoga but i’ve found pilates more… i think beneficial is the word. but it makes me feel great. for the first time in what feels like years… i...
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this planet's all i got so keep it steady now
martinfreemans:
there are two types of people: those who clear their unused time off the microwave and those who deserve to be burnt at the stake.
fbstalking my english teacher was the best decision i made all day i just love her so much
How I see classical music sometimes.
France: [Finishes an elegant piece]
Germany: [Polite applause] Oh well /done/, France! Definitely in the tradition of Beethoven! Yes indeed, very much in His footsteps.
France: I should think so! After all, you may all /make/ composers, but it is to France that they come to gestate!
Italy: Pish posh. Italy is still the center of civilization. I challenge you to find a truly great composer who has not studied under an Italian master.
England: ...You know, Frederick Delius is credited as an English composer. Yup. He was /born/ here. His skin sucked the genius right out of our soil.
Norway: You know, Delius spent some time here in Norway. Maybe that's-
Germany: Why all his music sounds like the gentle glimmer of snow that clings to edges of a brook in spring? Please. Your music has no /pain/!
Norway: ...We're okay with that.
France: Psh, pain! You want pain! Come to France!
Italy: Oh yes, do go to France. Their music is so profound that it shall forever be remembered as cartoon backdrops, and the sort of operas that establishments put on during slow seasons to fill up the gallery.
France: We have /Debussy/!
Norway: Ooo, Debussy! We love Debussy!
Germany: Pah! Need I say more?
England: Poland, I'm amazed you're not joining this pissing contest.
Poland: [Looks up from newspaper] Hm? Oh. We've got Chopin. Whatever. Carry on with your little squabble.
Germany: This reminds me- I met this fabulous fella named Russia. I invited him to join our little tea party. Russia!
Russia: [Pokes head around doorframe] ...
Germany: Do come sit with us!
France: Oh my, yes, please do. Don't be intimidated.
Italy: Perhaps you can learn a thing or two from us.
Poland: Wow, seriously, you invited Russia? Thanks. Thanks a lot. [Storms out]
France: ...[Whispers to England] What's his problem?
England: Awkward ex. Also, don't lean so close to me.
Germany: Russia, we were just discussing how /pain/ adds a certain non-replicable profundity to music. What do you think?
Russia: ...[Pulls out violin]
France: Oh my, a performance! Splendid! I warn you, good fella, you can hardly follow my act, but we'll give you some pointers. [Has a sit]
RUSSIA: [ASSAULT OF PEERLESS MUSICAL GENIUS AND ANGST] [I SHALL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL WITH DARKNESS] [EVEN MY WALTZES SHALL MAKE YOU WEEP] [THE UNIVERSE IS COLD, EMPTY, AND EXISTENTIAL] [DIE, EMOTIONS, DIE!]
France: [Eyes bleed]
Germany: [Dead on the floor]
England: ... [Tea slowly spills in lap]
Italy: [Crawling toward exit, fingernails scraping at the floor]
Norway: ... [Hides behind Sweden]
Sweden: Sorry- What are we talking about?
Rised elrue ocnot edsi amega siv notsap ert nomen...